When God changes a heart

I just watched the movie, The Cinderella Man, with Russell Crowe as the lead character. At first it was encouraging to root for the underdog, knowing he would win against his adversary Max Baer. What I discovered unsettling was a paradigm shift within me.

For the better part of my life, I had accepted violence as a necessary and intrinsic part of daily living. I even found myself encouraging violence whenever a situation presented itself for which a violent response seemed the appropriate and best solution. Now, I see a reckless and dangerous foolishness to too quickly advocating violence as a tool to solve problems.

I remember someone once telling me that when old men barter young men for land and resources, the transaction is called war. I have had many friends and contemporaries who have been the sharp end of the spear for such transactions – some of whom have not returned because of the bartering process – and I now see the despairing waste of resources (particularly human) in behavior that ultimately helps no one.

“Fear God and keep His commandments, for that is the whole duty of man,” the writer of Ecclesiastes concludes in his summary (12:13), “for God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.” We do well to remember these things; we do well to live out these things in genuine fear and trembling. God is God and we are not. The awesome power He has given us is that we can make choices absolutely independent of any influence or coercing on His part; yet, at the same time, in His sovereignty He holds us absolutely responsible for those choices. How shameful we are when we do not first consider Him in all things.

I have found the paradigms of my life change dramatically over the years. Many of them have been torn down because they do not honor the Lord, or because they do not profit Him or others. One who was violent for the better part of life now tries to avoid it like the plague. I would like to think I am beginning to understand why.

The One Who said, “all who take up the sword shall perish by the sword,” also said, “I came not to bring peace but a sword” (Matt. 26:51-53; 10:34-35). There was a time when I was unable to reconcile those two statements; now, I understand them and how important each is in its own context. When I was younger and so much more foolish, adversarial problem solving was a preferred means of dealing with differing opinions and lifestyles. Going forth “conquering and to conquer” in this context was not only a bad idea, it ultimately cost everything I had, and it revealed that everything I was only turned out to be terribly wrong. I find that it has two corollaries: 

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:17-19

For this, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. (Romans 13:9-10)

This is so antithetical to my own sinful nature, as even the use of personal pronouns can easily demonstrate. I must agree with A. W. Tozer: “the words ‘my’ and ‘mine’ seem innocent enough in print.” I have no satisfaction in physically confronting another person; I am too old, it is too messy, and nothing ever really gets resolved that way. My major battles are internal; the external ones I now avoid as much as possible.

Our selfish sinful natures keep us from becoming genuinely able to dwell as a people on one planet – that, and our general refusal to listen to God and trust Him fully. The disparities between religions, between factions within religious orders, as well as between religious and non religious peoples all contribute to the heart’s cry: “O Lord, come quickly!”

As I get older I realize how vital it is to be a man of peace, because I see the perfect beauty the psalmist wrote about when he said, 

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!

I truly need a new nature in order to do this. I need the pure and undefiled nature of the living God; I need the nature of Christ dwelling within, controlling within, exercising His own authority within. I see how the man Saul of Tarsus was who he was; I need, moment by moment, the Holy Spirit fully, changing me as He did Saul, into “Paul, bondservant of the Lord.”

For me, the words of that old hymnal I grew up with have ever increasing relevance:

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!

Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.

Mold me and make me after Thy will,

While I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!

Search me and try me, Master, today!

Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,

As in Thy presence humbly I bow.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!

Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!

Power, all power, surely is Thine!

Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!

Hold o’er my being absolute sway!

Fill with Thy Spirit till all shall see

Christ only, always, living in me.

So let it be, dear Lord.